


Deadpool's Fiance

by AveryTheTitaniumLady



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Peter Parker, But only a bit, Comedy, Couple goals, Delmars, Domestic Fluff, Engaged, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Hungry Venom Symbiote (Marvel), Identity Reveal, Its Spider-man what were you expecting, Jokes, M/M, No one gets eaten, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Peter is 24, Possessive Venom Symbiote (Marvel), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Queens, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sassy Peter, Secret Identity, Secrets, Theft, Thor - Freeform, Wedding, fiance, fiances, tony stark - Freeform, venom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 19:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16501790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AveryTheTitaniumLady/pseuds/AveryTheTitaniumLady
Summary: Spider-Man has quite an eventful day, when he encounters Venom terrorising Delmar's.





	Deadpool's Fiance

It was just after one in the afternoon, and Peter was swinging through Queens on patrol as he'd taken to doing since graduating high school. Later that night he'd get to celebrate his 24th birthday with his fiance, but for right now he would just have to settle for humming ‘happy birthday’ to himself and web slinging through the city until trouble found him, or he found it.

He'd already stopped 3 muggings and a robbery since he left his apartment, and had been feeling pretty good about himself when he came upon a giant humanoid mass of black sludge terrorising Delmar's. A very muscular humanoid mass of black sludge. With a wicked long tongue. Shouting about… eating people? Not on his watch!

“Hey, slime guy! What’s up?”

“ _Hungry_ ”

“Okie dokie well, if you want some food I know this real nice place, I could take you there, we could sit down and have a sub. Make it a date, ya know? Except, you're sort of destroying the real nice place.”

“ _We don't need anyone else_.”

“That's what you focus on? Not the destruction? Really. Really? Who ARE you, man?”

“ _We are venom_.”

“‘We’, are you like, a hivemind? Are there _more_ of you?”

Dear Thor, Peter hopes not. He's having enough trouble distracting this one and webbing everyone to safety without having to deal with more giant slime monsters.

“ _We are alone_.”

“What am I, chopped liver?

“ _Mmm, liver_.”

“Woah woah woah. No liver. No human. Here in Queens, I'm in charge, and I'm not down with people-eating.”

“ _Not even really bad people?_ ”

“Not even really bad people. So what else do you eat? Can I get you something OTHER than people to sate your appetite?”

“ _Chocolate is good_.”

“Right-O. Stay here, don't move. I'll be right back.”

Of course. Chocolate. Chocolate and human corpses, a _perfectly_ balanced diet. What in Hel is this thing? Peter swung down into Delmar's and grabbed some (like, 10) chocolate bars from the stand. He threw a 20 on the counter for Mr. Delmar to find when to store wasn't being perched on by a monster, and climbed back up to the roof.

“Here bud, have some chocolate, courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood Spider-man."

“ _Thanksss. Eddie never buys us this much_.”

“Eddie?”

“ _He is mine_ ”

‘Okay okay okay, Eddie is yours, don't worry I'm not after him. I've got a fiance already.”

“ _Hmm. Eddie_ is _Venom. Eddie_ belongs _to Venom._ ”

“I got it, man. Wait- Venom? Like, the Venom from San-Fran? What are you doing over here?”

“ _Wedding_.”

“Oh. Uh. How long will you be staying?”

_“Leave in 3 days._ ”

“Cool, cool. Good to know.”

“ _Rehearsal dinner soon. Thank you for chocolate_.”

“Anytime, just, don't eat anyone while you're here, okay?”

“ _Fine_.”

Well, that was strange. It was weird to think of that monster as a person, but they must be, because Peter doubted anyone would invite a slime thing to their wedding. He certainly wouldn't. In fact, he didn't. Strange coincidence that Venom has a rehearsal dinner tonight too. Though, Peter supposes, Queens is pretty big. It's not as if he's the only one getting married this weekend.

By then it was getting late, nearing on 3 o'clock, and so Peter swung back to where he'd webbed his bag to the wall and pushed the spider on his chest to release the suit. Thank Thor for Tony Stark, honestly. Popping the suit in the bag and walking out onto the sidewalk, Peter headed home.

\-----

“Wade! You'll _never_ believe the day I had!”

Walking into the kitchen and throwing his backpack onto the counter, Peter made himself a sandwich and chugged a giant glass of juice.

“Patrol was going normally, just the normal stuff, but then I saw this giant muscular slime monster on top of Delmar's! Talking about eating people! And you know how I'm not down with murder and stuff like that so of course I went up and talked to them and everything and it turned out it was _Venom_!! Like, from San Francisco! So cool. Anyways, I've gotta go shower because I smell like an alley, but I'll give you your kiss hello after I've washed off all the grime. Love you!”

Peter rushed past the living room without looking in, too consumed with his thoughts about his encounter with Venom. Probably a good thing, because if he had looked he might've noticed something a _little_  odd.

 

* * *

 

“So, Deadpool. When were you planning on telling me you were marrying Spider-Man?”

“Preferably never, Eddie.”

  
_**THE END** _

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! The idea just came to me earlier and I had to write it down, and this is what came out of it.


End file.
